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Dear D______,
That's all good news to hear.
I'm glad you are teaching, I think you need to. Congrats on setting a
wedding date! I'm happy for the both of you. Planning can be a lot of work,
take your time with it, it's your day, do what you guys want to do. Send me
an e-vite, I'll see if I can swing it.
Things are well, again. I went
back home to Michigan for the winter break and it was good to be with
family and familiar surroundings. It put my mind at ease, I felt
comfortable, safe and loved, which, I must say I have needed for some time.
Coming back to West Philly after the holiday hiatus has helped me to accept
the city for what it is. Although I find it very depressing and filled with
destruction, paranoia and anger, I no longer have expectations that it will
change, furthermore I no longer question why it doesn't change or who to
blame for it's appearances and failures. It just is what it is. A dump. I
hope to move to a better neighborhood in July when my lease is up.
This past year and a half I've
been in shock, taking in new information, a new culture, new architectural
stories, trying to understand a different people, I forgot who I was,
attempting acceptance. That, and this divorce, well it's been a very hard
year and a half. That, by the way, has been long, emotional and
arduous, yet has been progressing as compassionately and congruent as
possible between us. We have not seen each other since the day it happened,
A______ lives and has started a new life back in her hometown in Michigan.
Of all of it, I miss my friend the most. In a few more months it will all
be over. Again, the new year has proven to feel more settled. I feel calmer
and more myself again. Weird and moody.
The new job at The University of
the Arts is going better the second semester. It too, feels more familiar
as I have found my place here. The professors and students both fear and
respect me! Har! Just kidding, every one is very nice and they have all
remarked on my attention given to organization and cleanliness, which in
the field of ceramics means safety. That's the crux of my position, that
and ordering and selling supplies.
The Clay Studio is going well
too, now that I'm an official resident. Before that I was just subletting
and some folks were throwing some shade my way. They have left now and with
this new batch of residents the playing field has been leveled. I feel very
comfortable there and very supported. Hence larger goblins. At the school,
I have access to 50 inch tall kilns, so they may grow to a very large size
soon!
The past six months of my life
have been turbulent. On the surface, I've been awarded many things that I
have wanted for a very long time, a decent job in my field, a respected
residency, but I have considered at what cost? I have been separated from
things I had previously took for granted, by both my own choice and by
being victim to stranger's intentions - when I was mugged at gun point a
few months ago a block from my apartment. Love and safety, things I thought
were just standards in life, things that every one had or deserved in life
are now gone, in the very least their definitions have changed in my mind.
I'm not sure how to think of those things anymore and I feel like I lost
some part of what I knew of humanity, of myself and my understanding of
people. It has been an odd moment in my life, like I said, only in the past
few weeks have I started to feel like those things are coming back in a
familiar way again, in hopeful and reliable ways.
It makes for some ugly twisted
thoughts. I am very grateful to have my job and studio, without them I'm
not sure I would be here or where I would be. It's odd to me that the city
that I attribute to so giving me so much pain is also the same city that
has provided so much support. Philadelphia.
Thanks for asking how I'm doing.
It was good to write this out in a letter form. Art isn't enough some
times.
You still at the same address?
Best,
Jason
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